Never the Chosen One: The Slow Tear of a Shattered Soul

Hey there, dear hearts,

It’s Meghann here, pouring out my thoughts in the dead of night on this Thursday, August 21, 2025, as the silence of our small northern Minnesota town presses in. Tonight, I’m wrestling with a pain that cuts deep—never being the only woman, never the first, second, or even third choice. It’s a wound that gnaws at the soul, tearing it apart piece by piece, leaving behind a hollow ache that’s hard to name. As I sit here, this feeling lingers like an uninvited guest, a reminder of moments where I’ve been sidelined, overlooked, and relegated to the shadows of someone else’s priority list. After reading many messages to other women tonight, I realized I lived 20 years of a lie—I was never important, not one single day. It has made me feel unworthy, unattractive, and reduced to nothing more than what I can be used for—whether it’s support for someone’s passions, a quick fix for their needs, or even fucking landscaping bushes. If you’ve ever felt the sting of being perpetually second-best, this is for you—a raw cry from the heart.

It’s not just about romance; it’s a pattern woven through life. I’ve watched myself fade into the background—passed over for attention, love, or even a simple acknowledgment, always the one waiting while others are chosen. The soul takes a hit with every “not now,” every time I’m the afterthought, the option when all else fails. It chips away at self-worth, leaving me questioning if I’m enough, if my light is too dim to be seen. This sense of being used—valued only for what I can provide, like funding someone’s racing dreams, bankrolling vacations, or tending to landscaping as if I’m just a tool—has left me feeling unattractive, my essence stripped down to utility. Those messages were a gut punch, a mirror showing 20 years where my presence was a convenience, not a treasure, and it’s left me reeling.

The tears may fall, but they’re watering a resolve to rise, to demand to be seen as worthy beyond what I can do for others.

Thanks for holding this space with me.

With a mending heart,

Meghann

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